


i don't know why i always-

by ShippingEverything



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Zombies Make, i think this counts JUST BARELY as s3 spoilers, its abt simon's whole Thing abt self worth and i think thats a s3 exclusive, so sorry... wish i could write no spoilers zr fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25498603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippingEverything/pseuds/ShippingEverything
Summary: Anyway, the point is, Simon doesn’t date, he’s never done candlelit dinners or anniversaries or clearing a drawer out so your someone special has somewhere to put their stuff when they stay the night -- Simonbarelydid afterglow cuddling before the apocalypse. Quick and easy fun is how he’s always liked it, something. It’s how he’s always been.Until now.
Relationships: Janine De Luca/Simon Lauchlan
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	i don't know why i always-

**Author's Note:**

> written for zombies make! this has only gotten a cusory edit so i might come back and fix it up later (is that allowed? can i do that?) anyway! i wrote this in an hour and a half so like, not the MOST coherent simon/janine piece i've written, but i think a lot abt how simon thinks he doesn't deserve nice things because i love him and how that must've colored his relationship with janine and so when i heard the prompt song my brain Immediately knew what i wanted to write
> 
> title from the prompt song Runaway by Sasha Sloan! please please enjoy!

Simon doesn’t _do_ relationships. It’s a point of pride for him, actually -- his gran was too strict, too convinced he’d do something unforgivable, to let him date growing up, and he made a point of sticking solely to hookups in university; Saint Paul said his body was a temple and it’d be selfish of Simon to restrict the populace’s access to worship.

Anyway, the point is, Simon doesn’t date, he’s never done candlelit dinners or anniversaries or clearing a drawer out so your someone special has somewhere to put their stuff when they stay the night -- Simon _barely_ did afterglow cuddling before the apocalypse. Quick and easy fun is how he’s always liked it. It’s how he’s _always_ been.

Until now.

Because now, he hasn’t been back to his bunk in five days.

“I can hear you thinking,” Janine says, voice soft. When Simon looks at her, her hair is loose and resting her chin on her hand, not even glancing at the paperwork that she _so desperately_ needed to do. She looks softer, almost ethereal in the candlelight.

“I’ll try to think a little quieter, next time,” Simon quips. There is a deep base part of him that wants to go over there and bury his face in the curve of her neck and he shoves it even deeper down.

Janine’s mouth tilts up and she shakes her head. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“I’d prefer a bag of chips for them.”

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint, Mr. Lauchlan, but snacks are hard to come by right now and I have a surplus of now-useless currency. A penny is all I can offer you,” Janine counters, a playful spark in her eye. She stands, completely abandoning the paperwork to come sit on the bed next to Simon. “So, will you take it?”

“I was thinking about you,” Simon says, honest and painful. Janine -- strict and severe Janine, sweet and shy Janine -- smiles at him.

She doesn’t understand, Simon thinks, she doesn’t get that this is a terrible thing, that the way his heart twists is foreign and forbidden, that Simon would hand her his soul on a platter if he could and that that’s terrifying. Still, when she leans in for a kiss, he meets her halfway. They fit together like a pair, having done this dance so many times that it’s almost like muscle memory; the way Janine’s hand curves around his neck, the flutter of her eyelashes against her cheeks, the gentle curse of her smile against his lips, it’s all more familiar than Simon has ever been with anyone.

When they part, Janine takes a breath and looks at Simon so kindly that he cannot stand it. He has the sudden, terrible urge to either pull her close to his chest and never let her go again or push her away and never return. He stands, instead of doing either of those things, stands and takes one, two steps back, speaks before Janine can voice her confusion.

“I should go,” He says, in a voice more steady than he feels, “I promised Jody that I’d let her teach me how to crochet tonight and, as much as I’d love to stay here-”

“No, no, of course you should keep your commitments with the other runners. It would be ridiculous for me to think that you wouldn’t,” Janine replies. Simon can see her closing herself back up, makes himself look her in the eye as the spark from earlier disappears behind the Leader Of Abel Janine walls. “I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah, for sure,” Simon says, already backing out of the room. He finds that he doesn’t feel better no matter how many times he tells himself that it’s not running away if he really does mean to come back, eventually.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading and thanks to puptart on tumblr for putting this thing together! it's super fun!
> 
> [Main Tumblr (pldubrahs)](http://www.pldubrahs.tumblr.com) | [Writing Tumblr (nacreousglowclouds)](http://nacreousglowclouds.tumblr.com/) | [Twitter (@squidias)](http://twitter.com/squidias)


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